


Special

by Sakura_no_Miko



Category: X/1999
Genre: Dreams, M/M, Romance, Slash, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-07
Updated: 2005-06-07
Packaged: 2017-10-12 02:18:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/119688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sakura_no_Miko/pseuds/Sakura_no_Miko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a most important eve, Sakurazuka Seishirou decides to give Subaru a gift he won't soon forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Special

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Manipulation? References to Rainbow Bridge? Lots of angst?   
> Disclaimer: Tokyo Babylon and X/1999 are the intellectual property of CLAMP and/or other license holders. I make no profit from this fan story.

Kuzuki Kakyou was rarely allowed to experience the strange emotion known as surprise. He found it, frankly, to be overrated.

So when Sakurazuka Seishirou, better known as the ruthless Sakurazukamori, appeared late one night in his dreamscape, his face showed no sign of shock. Looking at the two expressionless men, one might wonder if a mirror were somehow hidden that bent and distorted the fair yumemi's features, for they were so alike.

Neither man blinked, nor twitched, nor gave any sign of any response as Seishirou delicately, elegantly, ruthlessly laid bare his plans. Both knew; both knew the other knew as well. But the words were offered nonetheless, providing the illusion of formality, of some type of normalcy.

"Kuzuki-san," Seishirou concluded formally, "I can give you what you seek, far more easily than Kamui or any of these who follow him. It would do you well to accept my proposal."

"Or what?" Kakyou returned listlessly. "Or you'll kill me, like you did her?" The slightest bite, cold as ice, sliced through his measured words, but he did not try to hide it. His heart was made up—had been made up since he'd seen the dream. But that did not mean his mind agreed.

A tiny smile, humorless and cynical. "No. But for you, that is a worse fate than death."

Kakyou's smile was no fairer that the assassin's. He turned away. "The choice is already made," he said finally. "I abide by the dreams given to me."

"Do your part," Seishirou whispered, suddenly far to close for Kakyou's liking, "and I will make sure you never dream again."

* * *

Sumeragi Subaru rarely slept. Rather, he rarely slept long or deep enough to truly count the experience as peaceful or restful. The mere act of lying prostrate, eyes closed, awaiting none-too-sweet dreams seemed useless. Sleep never willingly came to him, so why waste the time? It was, however, a necessary function, and every so often, his body simply refused to listen to his mind or the chemicals running through his veins.

Tonight was one of those nights.

So, despite his every mental protest and the dull aches complaining throughout his limbs, he found himself laying on his futon, the world slowly creping into darkness…

* * *

"Subaru!"

"Subaru-kun!"

The distant cry of voices awoke the young Subaru from his sleep. He blinked, the room strangely bright to his eyes.

The twin sensations of warmth and helplessness assaulted him as two surprisingly strong arms wrapped around him, an all-too-familiar face gazing into his own.

"Happy birthday," Hokuto whispered, smiling.

"Happy birthday," Subaru said back, smiling. Then, the other arms must have been…

"Happy birthday, my darling Subaru-kun."

Subaru's face went warm when Seishirou spoke.

"How cute!" Hokuto whispered. "Maybe I should leave you two alone, mmm?"

"Well, I do have a very—" Seishirou's voice dropped dangerously low "— _special_ gift for Subaru-kun."

"Oh, really?" Hokuto said back, winking suggestively. "A private gift?"

"Quite."

With a long-suffering sigh, Subaru moved to loosen their hold on him. "Stop it, you guys," he said. Something…something about the dream he'd had was bothering him. It was one of those annoying ones, where you knew it had been important, decisive, but you couldn't recall a wisp of it.

It hadn't been a good dream, he thought. He didn't really want to remember it, but….something about it tugged at him.

"I do believe Subaru-kun is...upset," Seishirou said with mock seriousness.

"Subaru! You can't be all sad on our _birthday_!" Hokuto said, pouting. Subaru smiled, just a little, as he realized that she was already dressed in one of her newest creations, a white, lacy dress meant to evoke angels. She even had a pair of little, feathery wings sticking from the back.

But when he saw Seishirou's matching semi-formal suit, he couldn't suppress a laugh. Instead of white and lace, Seishirou had been attired in pure black, but he lacked his usual jacket. His shirt was…ruffled? Subaru tried, valiantly, to suppress himself when he saw the bat-like wings protruding from Seishirou's back and the two little horns sticking out of his head.

Seishirou gave him an offended look. "Why, Subaru-kun, it's not nice to laugh at your sweet Seishirou like this." He raised his hand to his forehead, imitating a girl's overdramatic fainting spell. "You've wounded me quite deeply."

Hokuto followed that comment up with a heartfelt lecture on "not abusing the love of your precious husband-to-be."

Subaru sighed, blushed, and gave in to Hokuto's demands that he try on his outfit, too. He was also an angel, leaving Seishirou the odd one out. Hokuto had even made him a pair of white gloves emblazoned with angel wings on the palms and tops of his hands, just beneath fingers. He poked the stiff wings curiously, watching them bounce in the mirror as he played with them. Odd…

He could hear Hokuto and Seishirou in the kitchen. Hokuto was dutifully baking them a cake, and from the conversation, he could guess that there were a few uses for the ingredients that he had innocently been unaware of…until now.

He waited for the blush to fade from his cheeks before he walked out.

Subaru had barely touched the kitchen door when it flew open, only barely missing his face. Seishirou was, rather abruptly, shoved out. "No peeking!" Hokuto said, giggling manically. "I can't have you telling Subaru about my super-special design for our cake!"

"But Hokuto-chan," Seishirou said slyly, trying to hide his smile, "why would I ever spoil the secret?"

Hokuto seemed to loom over him. "Because no brother-in-law of mine is going to ruin his relationship with my dearest baby brother by keeping secrets!" With that, she shut the door, and, by the sound, locked several dozen latches and bolts.

Subaru found himself trapped in the living room with the man who had, as of late, managed to make him almost as embarrassed and uncertain as the girls he always saw in Hokuto's romance movies.

At just the moment Subaru was contemplating a hasty return to the bathroom, Seishirou turned around, a large grin on his face. "Well, then, I guess this is the perfect opportunity to show my love for Subaru-kun!"

Subaru let out an undignified squeak. "W-what?" he managed to choke out before the rush of embarrassment made him turn away.

"Don't tell me you forgot already? I'm so hurt, Subaru-kun. And after Hokuto-chan went to all the trouble of leaving us alone."

"Forgot?" Subaru repeated, confused. The word echoed in his head, and he suddenly had that feeling again. As if he'd forgotten something. Something he was supposed to remember…

"Your gift," Seishirou said pointedly. He sighed. "I see I'm going to have my hands full with you. You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached."

"Gift? Seishirou-san, you didn't have to—"

"Subaru-kun," Seishirou interrupted. "I _wanted_ to get you a gift. After all, don't you want something to remember me by?"

Remember. That word again. No, no he couldn't remember, he…

"Subaru-kun, wouldn't you rather sit down? I want to see your cute expression when you see the gift." Seishirou sat down, discreetly, on the couch and motioned the seat next to him. Unexpectedly, he also took off his glasses, laying them on a nearby table. Subaru found himself gazing into two very, very brown eyes,

Subaru blushed again, the dark feeling evaporating. He sat down on the couch, deliberately putting as much space between himself and Seishirou as he could. Seishirou never meant bad, but…sometimes he pushed his teasing a little too far.

He was surprised when Seishirou pulled out a small, plain-looking box. "Close your eyes," the man said, his smile suggestive. Seeing Subaru's hesitant expression, Seishirou leaned closer. "I promise it won't bite, Subaru-kun. And neither will I."

"Seishirou-san…" Subaru truly, truly wanted to leave the room, but he had to admit—he was curious. It had been so long since anyone but Hokuto had given him a gift, and it was rare that anyone but her gave him a gift he actually wanted. He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

He heard some rustling. When Seishirou's hand accidentally brushed against his neck—which was, due to Hokuto's design, vulnerably bare—he flinched, but Seishirou made a soft, gentle sort of noise in his throat, and Subaru relaxed.

He sensed, more than felt, the light weight of the slender chain and round charm as they softly graced his skin.

"You can open your eyes, Subaru-kun." Was it him, or did Seishirou's voice sound…different? Subaru's own breaths were painfully evident, his heartbeat sounding thunderously in his ears. His own senses were different, so perhaps he was only thinking he heard the tenderness in Seishirou's voice. Perhaps it was only his own imagination that added pain and sadness where there should have been none.

Subaru instinctively looked down, and his eyes locked on the tiny—it seemed tiny, at least—golden charm that fell just above the neckline of his outfit. The gold chain it hung from sloped upwards and disappeared around his neck. "It's…" Subaru's voice faltered. "…so small," he finished, with a note of awe in his voice. It looked delicate enough to snap at the gentlest touch.

He gasped, realizing how terrible his words sounded. "So…so exquisite!" he said quickly, and his cheeks were red again—had they ever stopped?—and he was trying to explain, but the words were useless, worthless, the wrong ones at all the wrong times. "So pretty! It must have been so expensive, Seishirou-san! Aren't you afraid I'll break it, or lose it, or…"

Seishirou touched him the way the prince, the knight, always touched his love—by gently placing a finger to his lips, effectively stopping the word flow. "I'm quite sure it's what I wanted to get you," he said, and his voice was unusually serious. "I've thought about it for…" He paused. Surely Subaru was imagining that wistful sorrow in his voice? "…for so long."

He smiled, but it was a different smile, though Subaru wasn't quite sure why. It wasn't as broad, or as spontaneous. A matured smiled. "I'd seen it in a shop window, but I didn't think…" He trailed off again, so very unlike himself. "That doesn't matter, though. All that matters is you, here, now."

"Seishirou-san…"

He might have resisted, in another time, another place. But there was some magic in the air, some magic in the moment, and, for once, Subaru allowed himself to do what he'd long for for so long…

…he melted deliciously against Seishirou's body, into his embrace, into his kiss.

Such a gentle feeling, and so _right_. Subaru knew, logically, that there was no reason for the sudden surge of relief he felt. There was no truth behind the part of him that felt as if some great, eternal longing were finally being fulfilled. Their time together was nothing but a candle flickering in the face of the sun. And yet…he couldn't help but feel it. He never wanted the moment to end.

Gentle, rough, soft, hard, long, short—he wanted to feel all of them. He wanted all of those sensations against his lips, with a force that he'd never known he possessed, a desire he'd never seen but in the eyes of long-lost lover's eyes.

He wanted to die away, lost with Seishirou, in Seishirou, never letting go.

He simply _wanted_.

The embarrassment died away, useless, unwanted. In the face of the desire, pent up for what seemed like ages, it had no power. Every resistance he'd had, every qualm and question, every fear and doubt, simply faded away. The desire of a man…

Subaru moaned, soft and gentle, when Seishirou sucked his neck. He wanted, and he was at peace with it. Why had he ever not been?

His mind blazed forward at an incredible rate. Why did it all unfurl before him? These visions—wonderful visions—of himself, older, with darker, wiser eyes; Seishirou, older, still strong and comforting; Hokuto…

Panic. He couldn't see Hokuto!

He froze, stiffening. The darkness overwhelmed him.

"Do you want me to stop?"

Seishirou's voice, his light. He pushed the thoughts out of his mind, let the desire return, so strong, so very strong. "Not at all," he whispered, and he couldn't hear his voice. But surely Seishirou did, when he kissed like _that_ …in _that_ place…that sweet, sensitive spot…

Subaru was lost. His mind and body cried out, but he could not speak. He couldn't control the pleasant shivers, the way his back arched, the…

…the random, unintended effect of his and Seishirou's bodies moving a little too close to the edge of the couch.

Seishirou hit the floor with a soft _thud_ , Subaru falling on top of him with more force than he'd intended. He found himself looking, curiously, _down_ into Seishirou's gorgeous brown eyes. Found himself leaning down to initiate the next kiss. Found himself possessively suckling that excellent stretch of neck beneath him.

"I never want this moment to end," he whimpered, a pathetic, clinging cry, before he reached for another kiss.

Seishirou accepted. It was long, but gentle. "Every good thing must come to an end," he said with a deep, almost gasping breath. And Subaru was sure that he wasn't imagining the pain he heard. He couldn't be, not when he was feeling it too.

"But once…once the moment changes, it's gone forever." The words flowed from his mouth in a different voice. He sounded weary. "You can never bring the past back." A tear slid down his cheek, unheeded. Subaru was confused by it, though he relished the way Seishirou leaned up to lick—to kiss—it away.

Seishirou caught his gloved hand and pulled it against his cheek. He didn't ask with words. But the desperate longing in Subaru's heart made it easy to accept the request. Again, he wondered vaguely why he'd ever placed the restrictions on himself, why he'd never simply taken the material off.

A small shiver raced through him— _something_ _he should remember_ —but he ignored it, and, in one fell swoop, pulled the glove off his hand. He stared, dumbly, at the flesh, something making the paleness, or the form, or something of his hand seem completely strange to him. But when Seishirou pulled that hand back against his face, and he felt, truly felt, the warm skin, alive beneath his sensitive, _sensitive_ fingers, he forgot everything else.

He was so happy, but there was something sad within him that he couldn't quell. Why? He didn't understand. Why wasn't he happy?

Seishirou pulled him down close and started kissing him, wet, open kisses on his mouth and face, up his jaw. He didn't think. His thoughts were sad. But his body was so happy…

"That's why we must make the most of these moments," Seishirou whispered in his ear. "Each one is so precious…but even one terrible instance can ruin it forever."

"No, not forever," Subaru said, in that voice that wasn't his. "Nothing lasts forever." He refused to keep speaking, and buried his mouth on Seishirou's, forcing them silent.

Of course he didn't hear the door open, but the squeal of joy was more than loud enough to startle him from his reverie.

"How adorable," she sighed. But a moment later, she yelled, "Sei-chan! I expected you, of all people, to do better than give my brother his first kiss on the living room floor!" Her eyes closed in rapture. "Oh! Subaru's first kiss, and I missed it!"

Seishirou, after rather seriously helping Subaru to his feet, made as much of a defense of his honor as he could. "I can't believe you trust me so little, Hokuto-chan," he said, feigning indignation. "I was giving Subaru-kun a gentlemanly kiss on the cheek when I slipped and accidentally pulled him down with me." Seeing that his explanation had no calming effect whatsoever, he said, with a much slyer smile, "And I found _myself_ trapped, completely at Subaru-kun's mercy!"

Subaru smiled. That was the Seishirou he knew, arguing with his sister like a child. Then he realized what Subaru was implicating, and the long-forgotten blush returned to his cheeks.

"Subaru! Surely it's not true!" Hokuto turned to face him. Subaru was far too embarrassed to answer. Her hand against her open mouth, Hokuto gasped. "Oh, Subaru, I never knew you were so bold! But I guess as long as it was Sei-chan it's alright." A playful laugh assured Subaru that she was only playing with him again. She turned on the said veterinarian and wiggled her finger at him. "But you should be more responsible, mister! Suppose I hadn't walked in when I did? You have to leave something for your wedding night!"

Subaru choked. Fortunately for him, it was enough to end their conversation before he died of shame right there on the spot. Hokuto suddenly remembered the cake, and began fretting that it was already getting cold. She shooed them into the kitchen.

Subaru felt very foolish, staring at the intricately decorated cake with seventeen candles sticking up on both sides. In the middle was the intricate image of two angels and a devil—although, Subaru noted with another blush, one of the angels and the devil were awfully close for comfort…

Hokuto was lecturing him on the importance of birthday celebrations, pausing only to exchange a quick innuendo with Seishirou or ask if Subaru was paying attention. Suddenly, something grabbed his hand under the table. His eyes went wide, recognizing Seishirou's rough, large hand enclosing hand. But the older man made no sign of acknowledgment, though his gaze stayed on Subaru's face for just a second more than usual.

Subaru's hand ached with sensation. Warmth, softness, roughness—all so new. He struggled to listen to Hokuto, but it was hard to concentrate…

"Subaru? Earth to Subaru!" Hokuto said loudly. Her eyes widened suddenly, and she grinned, not a little disturbingly. "Ne, Subaru…what's that on your neck?" she asked innocently.

Subaru gasped, and hurriedly tried to cover the dark bruise with his hand. His free hand jumped—to the wrong side of his neck. Squirming, moved his hand, looking elsewhere desperately.

By then, Hokuto had already moved on to a better target. "And Sei-chan, you have one too!"

Seishirou smiled, and moved his head to the side, giving Hokuto a very intimate glance at the unmistakable hickey. "It's a love mark," he said matter-of-factly, "a beautiful sign of how much Subaru-kun loves me."

"It's so big!" Hokuto squealed. "Much, much bigger than the one you gave Subaru!"

"Now, Hokuto-chan, are you being mean to me?"

"But Sei-chan, with you being 'at Subaru-kun's mercy' and now this, what am I supposed to think?" She chuckled. " _I_ think you'd look very nice in a wedding dress, Sei-chan!"

"But not as good as Subaru-kun."

Subaru tried to disappear into the floor.

Unfortunately, he couldn't escape when Hokuto plopped the cake right in front of him. "Subaru!" Hokuto said happily. "It's your turn to blow out the candles! Oh, but make a wish, first. It's sure to come true!"

Subaru took a deep breath. The words were on the tip of his tongue. Seishirou's hand, Hokuto's smile, the all-too-real memories of Seishirou against him, touching him and kissing him so gently…

"I wish," he said, his voice strangely steady, "that this moment could last forever." He blew the candles out easily.

A silence passed over the group, and Subaru was sure Seishirou squeezed his hand.

The hairs on his neck prickled. Something…something was wrong. Something he had to remember…

"Oh!" Hokuto yelled, before the thought could form. "No, no! Subaru, you said the wish aloud!" She sounded scandalized.

"What?" Subaru said, confused. "You said to—"

"In your heart, not out loud!" Hokuto looked truly pained. "Subaru," she whispered, "saying it out loud means it won't come true."

"N…no…" Subaru whispered. Seishirou's words rang in his ear. _Everything good comes to an end._

Not a moment later, something else rang. Seishirou suddenly let go of his hand, reaching to grab his phone. He muttered "yes" a few times, then looked back to Subaru, his expression resigned. "It's an emergency. I need to go to work, now."

No, Subaru wanted to shout. Everything was shattering. In an instant, everything changed…

"Subaru, you said you had a job today, didn't you?" Seishirou said.

Subaru frowned. No…he didn't remember…

"Oh yeah," Hokuto pouted. "I told Obaa-san it was inhumane to work Subaru on his birthday, but she says 'such celebrations shouldn't deter the attention of the clan head.'" She frowned, then sighed, resigned. "This will just have to wait," she said.

"Wasn't it near…a bridge?" Seishirou said thoughtfully.

"That's right. Rainbow Bridge," Hokuto chimed in.

Something stirred in Subaru's heart. That dream…the dream he had to remember…

"Well, then, how about I meet you there, Subaru-kun? We can have some time to ourselves." The usual humor wasn't there. Seishirou seemed…nervous? No, surely not.

"Yes. I'd love that," Subaru whispered. He did want to be alone with Seishirou again, he admitted to himself. He wanted…everything exactly the way Seishirou and Hokuto had been telling him for the past year.

Seishirou leaned over. His words were so soft, Subaru wasn't sure he heard them. "I…truly love you, my Subaru-kun."

Subaru blushed, but…

… _something he had to remember, or else…_

"Seishirou-san, I…" Seishirou silenced him with a soft kiss. Hokuto cheered them in the background, but Subaru couldn't hear her.

"I'll see you soon," the man whispered. "Tell me then."

Subaru nodded. "I will."

Seishirou hurried out of the apartment. Subaru, on the other hand, started towards his room. He'd need to change his clothes.

Hokuto heard a dark cry moments alter. She rushed into her twin's room. He was kneeling on the floor, half-undressed, his eyes wide.

"N…no…" he moaned. "The…the charm…"

Her eyes drifted downwards, to a small pool of gold. The chain must have snapped when Subaru tried to change his clothes. She looked closer. There was…something else. The heart-shaped charm wasn't entirely what it seemed. She picked up the broken necklace, using her nails to poke the pieces of the 'charm' apart. She was right—it wasn't a charm, but a locket.

A small, but very clear picture lay under the shattered glass. A familiar picture—she'd have remembered it even if it had been years, rather than days, later. It was the three of them, smiling, at the park. But the jagged glass distorted the picture, making it look almost horrific.

"Seishirou-san's gift," Subaru said pitifully. "I broke it. I destroyed it!"

"Calm down. It wasn't your fault, Subaru—" Hokuto began to say.

"I…I…"

Hokuto hugged him close, but he couldn't feel it. Images flashed in his mind, blurry, too fast to see. Darkness, and blood, and…

The slender necklace snapped like a thread.

… _their connection fading…_

The locket, hiding its precious memory, broke into pieces.

… _their happiness shattered…_

Even Hokuto seemed to fade away, leaving him alone, in a dark place, with only thee broken jewelry to comfort him.

But soon, even the fragile gold began to melt away, leaving his hands empty…

* * *

"Perfect," Seishirou whispered as the last bits of darkness faded. "Utterly perfect."

"Why do you continue to torment him like this?" Kakyou asked bitterly. He might have cried if his heart wasn't already broken.

"'Torment'?" Seishirou echoed. He smiled—a cold smile that never reached his eyes. "Look at him," he continued softly. "Then tell me of torment."

The man began to fade. The morning sun was rising, and, try as he might, his body beckoned him to wake. "I have a job for our…leader. Tonight, I will grant your wish, Kakyou Kuzuki," was the last thing he said.

"A born liar," Kakyou murmured. He searched for Subaru. The illusion formed, glittering like a water-image.

He looked, only a moment. The man lay in his bed, weeping harshly. His naked hands covered his face. Kakyou had seen this sight too many times.

The dream he'd had the previous night returned to his mind. It echoed the image in front of him almost perfectly, but for the fact that the future Subaru's hands were covered in blood, no matter how many bitter tears he wept. And, between sobs, the chanted mantra never changed. A name…a few lost, uncertain words…

Kakyou had foreseen it all. And he knew Seishirou would never return to keep his promise. Not on this day, when a kekkai would fall. Not on this day, when the Seals would realize that they could never defeat the Angels, that every death they caused would only make things worse for their struggle.

But the words bothered him, nonetheless.

Against his better instincts, he looked back. The sobs had quieted, and Subaru had moved his hands, just enough so Kakyou could see his face.

His eyes were red and wet, surrounded by dark circles. He was so pale, so tired. Kakyou recognized himself in Subaru's face—the face of a man who no longer loved life and longed for a release.

But he was smiling.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Originally psoted at [fanfiction.net](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2427288/1/Special) and [CLAMPesque](http://www.katana-space.net/Forum/Clampesque/Messages/1118164636.770942).


End file.
